Uno is the Loneliest Number

It’s been a while since my last post and this is mainly due to the fact that the terrorist had won, well momentarily anyway. After my attack (see: “Atlas Mugged”), I refrained from my normal routine and was a wee bit hesitant to go out wondering and exploring. This wasn't enjoyable because I don't much care for staying indoors and having my outings restricted to trips to the mailbox. (I now know how people in nursing homes feel). It was difficult for me, because keeping me caged inside is like trying to contain a black man to a pair of bicycle shorts. Eventually I started poking my head back into the Mexican wild. At first, it was a bit difficult and it certainly wasn’t pleasant having a bowel movement every time a taxi cab pulled over to drop someone off within a 10 meter radius of me, or an old lady slowed to make a left hand turn, but I managed.

Needless to say I became quite prone to staying inside and entertaining myself. Long nights in my apartment allowed me to reflect on my lifestyle and I soon noticed that I was living the bachelor life in every sense of the idea. This thought spawned the following facebook post:

"Wow, cereal for dinner. You must really like breakfast!"
"No, I just live by myself."

The post got me thinking that I could actually create a whole shtick, a la Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if...", themed around, “You know you live by yourself when...” So without any further ado,

You know you live by yourself when top ramen is one of your food groups.

You know you live by yourself when you put Bertrand Russell to shame.

“Wow, you’re using your computer on the toilet; you must really like the Internet!”
“No, I just live by myself.”

You know you live by yourself when you watch more movies than Ebert and Roeper

You know you live by yourself when your toothbrush holder is an empty Kleenex box.


You know you live by yourself when wearing pants is the exception to the rule.

You know you live by yourself when your “To Do” list consists of, “Don’t die.”

You know you live by yourself when you go to remove the spiders and their webs and think, “But now who’s going to get rid of the ants?”

And finally, you know you live by yourself when Tropical Storm Nate is rolling in and people recommend that you stock up on provisions and you feel adequately prepared because you’ve got the following things:


For those of you craving some real insights, I'll do my best soon.